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Allegedly, Mars is getting blown up and I suppose to have an opinion – Ancient Alien – Parody

??????? – Well, bu-hu-hu, fuck you too!

Do you know why the ordinary aliens (I am not extraordinary I just landed before the show) don’t want to land here or have anything with the humans ( besides me shooting them down like clay pigeons)? Take a lucky guess? Not nukes, wars or your weapons. Or the capacity to hate anything that crawls. A-a!

Because the beings on the Earth ( Ocean!) are a walking farm of germs. Nobody is crazy to be near, or even a galaxy near. I can’t even load some of you into my UFO because the number of units per one load is limited to 100. But it is never your own bugger that causes world-class extermination, it is always some exotic species of flowers somewhere from Africa… Aw Nawwww, man, you so clean!
That’s why the alien abductions are in majority the bullshit. You are dirty, greasy, germ infected motherfuckers. I love all about you, but you need to wash your ass. If you find a person who claims they were abducted during or shortly after a shower, that’s the authenticity you are looking for. That your ace, he scored!

I don’t know about you, but I personally hate to be sick! And I get really ill, my immunity is hostile without prejudice and my metabolism runs on meth. Do you have an idea what kind of an inhumane inclines run through my mind every single time one of you apes sneezes next to me? Why I am so suddenly unfriendly? Because I thought of your every sneeze to be my last, and no matter how long I have lived I don’t want to fucking die. In fact, I can die. I just can’t stay dead. But that doesn’t change the quality of the experience, and it is a damn gruesome one.

My concern is not about if or when the humans gonna do the Mars by celebrating 4th of July with some really big firecrackers – Wowzy, nukes, so hot!!- but if there will be somebody on the Mars willing to retaliate. Have you ever trespassed a territory claimed by another alien? I mean by an alien, because ( I assume) you are a human. No? Well, I did and they don’t hand out the tickets, you know. They like to blow things up and as far as I know, any extraterrestrial being another species will always see you humans like one of two things – sex or food. Or… both?


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I am publicly anonymous networker with fat record and rotten attitude towards any form of system slavery and similar artificial means of extortion. I also like donuts and coffee. And cats. My favorite color is pink. I hate long walks and have an extreme allergic reaction to bullshit.
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