cover

Allegedly, Mars is getting blown up and I suppose to have an opinion – Ancient Alien – Parody

??????? – Well, bu-hu-hu, fuck you too!

Do you know why the ordinary aliens (I am not extraordinary I just landed before the show) don’t want to land here or have anything with the humans ( besides me shooting them down like clay pigeons)? Take a lucky guess? Not nukes, wars or your weapons. Or the capacity to hate anything that crawls. A-a!

Because the beings on the Earth ( Ocean!) are a walking farm of germs. Nobody is crazy to be near, or even a galaxy near. I can’t even load some of you into my UFO because the number of units per one load is limited to 100. But it is never your own bugger that causes world-class extermination, it is always some exotic species of flowers somewhere from Africa… Aw Nawwww, man, you so clean!
That’s why the alien abductions are in majority the bullshit. You are dirty, greasy, germ infected motherfuckers. I love all about you, but you need to wash your ass. If you find a person who claims they were abducted during or shortly after a shower, that’s the authenticity you are looking for. That your ace, he scored!

I don’t know about you, but I personally hate to be sick! And I get really ill, my immunity is hostile without prejudice and my metabolism runs on meth. Do you have an idea what kind of an inhumane inclines run through my mind every single time one of you apes sneezes next to me? Why I am so suddenly unfriendly? Because I thought of your every sneeze to be my last, and no matter how long I have lived I don’t want to fucking die. In fact, I can die. I just can’t stay dead. But that doesn’t change the quality of the experience, and it is a damn gruesome one.

My concern is not about if or when the humans gonna do the Mars by celebrating 4th of July with some really big firecrackers – Wowzy, nukes, so hot!!- but if there will be somebody on the Mars willing to retaliate. Have you ever trespassed a territory claimed by another alien? I mean by an alien, because ( I assume) you are a human. No? Well, I did and they don’t hand out the tickets, you know. They like to blow things up and as far as I know, any extraterrestrial being another species will always see you humans like one of two things – sex or food. Or… both?


blankGithub | Discord | Gab | Memo | Wow | Publish0x | Cent

ARPITRAX

Harrowing Saw ( The Fourth Ghost) – Arpitrax – Fiction

The last time I was telling you about the Arpitrax, the raven told me that I allegedly have to kidnap it, which was in my opinion impossible as it needs a mind sphere to exist in the first place, and to my demise, the damn thing was permanently welded into me, so I can’t detach and manipulate it from the outside.

First of all, Arpitrax should have never existed. That is what I know.
Second of all, the Illuyanka should have never been cursed by such a horrid temptation in his possession.
Third, a symbiotic part of him was nice, but Illuyanka himself started to play and abuse my inability to stop whatever he wanted to do.
A symbiont is not a slave and he was assimilating all my abilities. But, he did not assimilate my intentions, he just pretended and I felt sorry for his misfortune of being created by my evil peer. He has done nothing to deserve that.

I hoped so much, and I wished so hard, that Illuyanka will somehow manage to suppress his human desires and to use the Arpitrax for the completely wrong purposes. Now, you know better than me, no human is capable to do that. At least not for now. Why do you think there is always some celestial god destroying those dragons and witchers?

And I have been so gullible and naive to believe it is possible, but that is only because I am an alien and I do not understand temptations that humans deal with daily. I simply don’t see the world in the same way you do, and my comprehension is more close to one of a child. All that power, and a brain of a carp. Well, I guess it has to be like that. You can’t have everything. I have the divine comprehension, you have the brains, knowledge, wits, beauty, skills, talent… ok, ok, you have everything, I am just here for the decoration and in case that some asshole alien tries to land down and take over the world. A very thin chance for that. Anorexic.

Anyways, what happened. Well, ugly and short, Illuyanka started to use the Arpitrax for the things he found relevant – like gruesomely crippling one man and killing another. Yeah, very important things. I guess that was an exercise for the future genocides he had already planned… OK, that is only a speculation, I am just running my mouth without basic sensibility to weight my thoughts.

The first human he attacked did not suffer major damage so I managed to repair him. I hoped Illuyanka will stop on the first mistake, and everything was fine for a few days. I got nothing through the Arpitrax interface, and I thought that was solved.

Then one night I receive an odd message, a full video transmission of a human man I never saw before sleeping, weird symbols and a picture of a giant white mental sphere pulsating with violet/purple shimmer. The message was too complicated to decipher, and a part of it that I managed to decipher was a fiasco. I never saw a white sphere, so I was terrified.

The second victim of Illuyanka was beyond repair. He was dead on arrival, and the scariest thing was that nobody could help him. What Illuyanka did was wrong. He wasn’t handing down the justice, but revenge. Terrible how it sounds, but anyone, with a crime or not, could be his next victim.

So, while I was sitting there disheartened here comes the feathered fucker, a raven came but this time he was carrying an actual written message in his beak.

-I received the transmission, I have no idea what does it mean – I yelled at the bird when he dropped a package on the table.

-I brought you the recipe how to do it – raven continued like I did not say anything – You have the Transformation stone, correct?

-Yes. – I nodded unwrapping the message – It is a piece of space junk, it doesn’t do anything.

-It depends who is holding it… – raven sneezed and wiped his beak under his wing – I brought you a recipe. And by the way, there is nothing about you detaching from the Arpitrax, you obviously can’t …

-Damn true, because I tried .. – I answered while opening a small package –

-… but nowhere it says that Illuyanka can’t. – I lifted my head and looked at the bird confused – It just requires a concentrated power of will, and that what you are holding in a hand…

-Power of will…? –

-Just read it!! – raven blurted and impatiently flapped his wings.

I was reading a message for a few seconds in complete silence, and then I looked at the bird who was expecting my reaction… then I read it again.

-And? – raven silently asked waiting on my reaction.

-Well… well, well, well… at least I don’t need to lie down into a battery acid, shove the ground wire into my ass and bite into a power grid…

-Ee??

-Are you fucking insane!!?? What a fuck is this????

-That is uh oh… It doesn’t say that…

-I know it does not! I see what it does say!! – I was raging at him – I have to paste that protection layer made of nuclear waste, or what-fuck-not, on myself …

-Yes, that is so that the liquid does not, you know…-

-I knoooow! Why does it say that I have to close all my physical openings…?

-Well, maybe so, for more protection…-

-Why is that sentence written in different handwriting? – I asked watching a raven and imagining killing him where he was squatting…

-Ok, I was worried! I meant it could be a good idea… –

-Fine! Let’s move on! And then I have to submerge into some sort of a demonic liquid… –

-It is not demonic, it clearly says…-

-Will I have any flash left on me after this?

-Of course, yes…

-You mean, you don’t know. – I rolled my eyes and returned to a paper – And before that, I have to place The Stone INSIDE of a tank with me.

-Yes, it will enhance…

-… the Stone that can do who knows what, with me in an enclosed tank! –

-Yes…

-And then I have to detach Illuyanka from the Arpitrax for a few seconds …-

-That is what I was telling you, a power of will –

-And… The Boss will … what a hell He means by “he will smite me”…?

-Well, you know – a raven poked upwards to the sky with his beak – smite, you know…

-Yes, I am pretty sure that I know what ‘smite’ means… – My eyes were sinking deeper and deeper into my sockets – I will lie into a dangerous medium and Boss is going to rip some sort of lightning through me?

-Yes… –

-I am not asking you! I am contemplating out loud! – I was watching a paper and a table in front of me thinking should I do that or should I just blow my brains out and spare myself from all of this…

-I suggest that you get drunk really, really hard, and that you dress up nice in case something goes wrong – raven leaned forward to me.

-If something goes wrong, I don’t think there will be much of me left to hold the dressing… – I said to the raven.

-I don’t know – raven was almost apologetic – I am a simple postman…

-Ok, ok, ok! – I said gasping for the air – My life in an exchange for many, I get it. I will do it. But, if this works… What about that white sphere?

-What white sphere? – raven tilted his head and curiously looked at me with his black empty eyes.

-The white sphere … I can’t detect any bodily existence attached to it and it was a part of the message I received…

-I have no idea about any white sphere… – raven shrugged – I am honest as I can be, I don’t know.

-And that is it? – I flipped the other side of a paper, but it was empty – What should I do after that?

-Get out and remove all that shit from yourself, before it eats through your skull??? – raven yelped at me – I don’t know I have no idea…

The raven wished me good luck and left me with the wavering thought of absolute dread on my mind.

What happened? Well, I am alive, am I not!?

I did not do exactly what raven recommended me, but I got a bit drunk because there was no way in hell I was doing the tank sober, normal and fully conscious. If I had to go, I wanted to be properly sauced.

So, I made all as it supposed to be, insulated myself and prepared my side of the Arpitrax for the sabotage, all by the book, I mean by the list I got.

And shortly after, I was sitting on the edge of the tank drunk as shit, with the Stone in one hand, and a glass in another, thinking how to drop a stone and then jump in, or should I jump and then drop a stone… anyways I was a bit tipsy. The cocktail was fabulous, I will share the recipe later.

In the end, I concluded that stone goes on one, me on two, and then my soul goes on three…

When I sunk I noticed how hard it is to think in that kind of an environment.
First, it was dark and cold, second I forgot that when I am in a liquid environment I suppose to stop drinking.

I detached Illuyanka’s part from him, it slipped like a loosely attached covering, his connections to it were still very thin. What happened after did not look like anything I expected. It didn’t feel like something like a lightning hit me.

I felt very dosed – no wonder – but I also felt that my symbiont was stun, like we both were stopped, and then rebooted.

The part of the Arpitrax that was connected to Illuyanka unwrapped, slang around him, slammed into me and welded into my remaining ports instantly while the symbiont still being stunt slowly floated away from me and then disappeared from my view.

I swam out of a tank as fast as I could realizing that it would be a good idea to get the fuck away from that hell as soon as possible. I wobbled down to a shower and scrapped the dirt from me and get to the Arpitrax to see what a hell happened.

I felt drowsy, but not like I was drunk or drugged, more like I was floating on a cloud or something. It felt unreal and that unreal feeling continued for almost 24 hours after.

I jumped in still wet and flipped a few signals from the Arpitrax, but nothing was coming from another side. I usually hear the white noise or something from another side, but this time all connections were dead.

Holy shit – I thought to myself – we did it. I flipped a few signals again trying to connect with the Illuyanka, but the Arpitrax was silent.

After a few more, very long seconds, I received a signal but that was not Illuyanka. A signal was incredibly strong, completely different and it was coming from a human. I started to decipher and found out that it is coming from a white sphere that was interlayered with my own, the same one that I received in the odd message days ago.
There was no whistles and shrieks, but a completely unknown male voice simply said “hello” through the connection.

-Hello – I replied insecurely through the connection – Hello? – To be honest I was completely surprised by the clarity of the transmission.

-Umm, is this the … Arpitrax? – a voice carefully replied to my greeting.

-Yes, I am a driver of the Arpitrax – I answered very slowly. – Who am I talking to?

-Aw, great! – a voice cheerfully chimed thought the connection and continued into the short chuckle – This is a new owner of the Arpitrax, my name is Carl.


blankGithub | Discord | Gab | Memo | Wow | Publish0x | Cent

ancientalien

PARODY – ANCIENT ALIEN – Username Stay here with me

blank

Hello, my name is… but you already know my name … “They” call me a big headed astronaut and this happens when I randomly borrow people without knowing what am I doing, or it is maybe an Arpitrax to be blamed?

 

Yes, they all expect me to be exactly as in a description after and under the imaginative story I write, … but they all expect I am in one piece, they have no idea, it is easier to sell an idea of God. Yes, it exists, same as the reality is quite different, and a fabric is very much vivid, for me, it is only a matter of a lucid moment when you all will see it, but are you crazy, right?


If you are interested to continue reading this chapter of my story proceed to [Chronicles of Ancient Alien / Username Stay here with](https://aschatria.github.io/username-stay-here-with-me/)


Cover Image attribution

blank

blank

Web | Discord

bannerimagesf

PARODY – ANCIENT ALIEN 1-ON-1 ABOUT SOME ARCANE POWERS

blank

 

First of all, I want to say I done nothing wrong and none of this is my mistake. So if we constituted and cemented that fact, we can move on with the rest.

“Sure. Otherwise you will start abducting the innocent people. Sorry. I meant to say … “borrow them”.

Ahem… So..

“Before you start your monologue… Because, I will not get the chance to talk after you start milling, can you please explain to me what I am doing up here, gazillion miles above the surface of the Earth, besides talking to you…”

It will not be a monologue, you can stop me any time to ask anything, and this is not the Earth…

“So what is this, the Mars? You brought me above… Mars?”

Didn’t you want to see it, ei? I thought it would be appropriate …

“I don’t see anything, it is dark, I only can spot a curvature… A curvature. What happened to the flat earth? Flew outta window…?”

Can’t I write fairy tales? Are you going to stuff that into my face right now?

“So you abducted my unprotected consciousness, how heroic, dragged me here to enjoy some imaginary view and to discuss what?”

I thought you gave a signal, you were not completely unaware of this possibility, this was in check to happen.

“Please be brief, I have to get up in a few minutes…”

A few minutes in this space can drag for weeks… Just so you know it.

“Fine. That still doesn’t explain why I am here and what are you ranting about…”

I will also make a full transcript of this conversation, so that you get all the info neatly set in a timeline…

“Because I am inferior to you and too stupid to recon this conversation…”

No, because personally you should have some sort of a proof that this really happened.

“This really, really is not happening. This is not real.”

Ok.

“And you are playing with my head.”

Allrighty.

“It really hurts my feelings.”

Aw come on now.

“Beside other things…”

Can I continue?

“Sure. You can. I can not stop you. I will probably get cancer from this.”

May I?

“Ok.”

In one of my last pieces of writing…

“AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

**** What are you doing…?

“I am trying to wake up.”

You can’t. I am talking.

“I noticed.”

So… In one of my last pieces of writing…

” I read that already.”

… on [this theme](https://wls.fintehru.org/humor/@aschatria/i-am-an-abusive-alien-fuck-and-my-body-suite-just-beat-the-shit-out-of-me-parody), I might mention a magical object or a full scale body-suite that I snatched from an evil alien …

“Yes, I know. I read that too.”

…who wanted to use it in order to rule the world.

“Haha.”

No, I am not kidding, I wish I am.

“Sure. But how come they can’t land other than in pieces?”

Well, I might have something to do with it…

“You can hear many things, don’t you?”

Yes…

“Yes, but how can you cover such a huge area. We are talking about the planet.”

Well, I have a different outlook to size…. Why are you slapping your thigh? Still trying?

“So what about the aliens ruling the world?”

Remember all those myths about the “dragons” and aliens swooshing around here a few millennia ago? Well, that is essentially true, besides one little technical obstruction that might cause a failure to their plan to rule this world.

“Illuminati?”

Erm… no. One of the technicality is a simple good old gravity. You see they can’t land here, because they would die so they use body snatching techniques to infiltrate and live. No joke. I use the same. But! It is fairly unlikely that you will wake up one morning in Vegas and with no money because I hijacked you, it is probably just whiskey. Don’t blame me for every mishap, I am not that resourceful. I wouldn’t be stuck here with you if I was.

“If that happened… where is the technology?”

You mean the technologies? Plural.

“So, you mentioned something about being thousands and thousand years old?”

I said I am here for that long, I never said how old I am.

“Well, whatever. So, how come you can live so long? There is no living being that can last for so long. Is your blood green or something? Not even aliens in Star Trek could live that long…”

Age is really just a number.

“So, what happened with those alien overlords…?”

Now the reason why their reign was not possible to date is because I destroyed all the blueprints how to do it a long, long time ago altogether with a prototype. Of course with a little bit of helpful senility I forgot all about it, until one of those bastards came with a plan and created an Arpitrax again.

“One more lie of yours?”

I did not lie…

“Why you didn’t mention this before?”

It didn’t look like that.

Anyways, that plan went to dust and now I am in possession of a very needy and uncomfortable piece of hard boiled stubbornness, the Arpitrax. The Arpitrax is a hyper-astral projection of a human person who is sustaining it existence, called Joe. Yeah, no special names here, also no special abilities either. Joe is a plumber. His life sucks same like yours or mine.

“Third person narrative is so nice.”

It is convenient.

“It goes on my balls.”

Whatever.

“Can I just ask you one plain question and please answer it truthfully?”

Sure.

“Why the hell are you a housewife?”

Till now I was everything else, so why not.

“Are you serious?”

Who would doubt me and even if somebody does they will think I am crazy.

“Have you tried telling anyone?”

Yes.

“To whom?”

Everyone…

“How can you be here, there and “winkling your star ship” and who knows where that is, if you don’t even have money for a bus ticket?”

I am omnipresent.

“You are playing with my mind.”

No.

“And you have a God complex.”

No.

“You look nothing like an alien. I am fairly disappointed.”

I thought you would rather talk to me than a glowing imperial orb.

“Hmm. That idea is very attractive.”

Groan… Joe is a joke of course.

“Of course.”

His name is not Joe, and he is probably not a plumber…

“Probably not.”

… but I am in a mood to toss shit today at him… I will tell you why later.

” I think I know why.”

We decided to call this person the Illuyanka ( I have an explanation for this one too, I will get to it as well, just give me a second) , because his major turn on are the mythical beings, specially the dragons.

“That is untrue.”

Is it?

“So he is some poor fellow who was altered by an evil alien to serve as his body slave but you abd… borrowed him and you are friends now?”

Yes.

“Thank you for the clarification.”

You are welcome.

“Friends…”

For some reason, Illuyanka opted to bound symbiotically to little old me, but he had no group subscription in mind when the deal was put into motion.

“No.”

Still, he tolerates this because his capabilities are limited and he expects some clarification from me.

“That would be great.”

I would rather not to give one, but it seems that I have to, so here I am all in about it.

“So, how did you found out about all of this?”

In fact we had no idea what is happening, and I had to sign a pact with the recently deceased evil alien…

“What that pact included?”

…shit head who …

“Maybe I should rephrase my question?”

… done that ungodly thing to him …

“Did he put a nice collar on you?”

… and in process to do so he genetically damaged almost 5% of human population…

“Too spicy?”

…in order to obtain that info.

“How you didn’t see him doing that? “

I wasn’t looking.

“Can you fix it??”

I don’t know, can you?

“How exactly that one died? If he is dead. “

Food poisoning.

“Very funny.”

I can’t say it out laud, it is unsettling…

“Can you use some of your alien “magic” to undo it?”

If you want to know what other “magical objects” I posses, I can admit I have a few of them, but to be honest I wish they were of more practical value and not only the luck charms and the causes of the planetary size chaos.

” I remember something about a stone. What happened to that thing? Do you still have it?”

Just to make it clear, all of this already happened. It is just another cycle, welcome to the shit party.

“So what do you in fact have?”

One of the items is a Transformation stone, that turns all the energies into their opposites. No idea for what to use it. Don’t ask me to explain myself how do I use it. I will not tell you.

“You have the Philosopher’s Stone..?

No, that one supposedly turns led to gold.

“Ok, what else?”

The another one is a Dead Man’s Ring, that one is a literal signed deal with the Death herself. Don’t ask me what that one does. But all the crazy ones would love to know. In the case of necessity for example you can jerk with it, and my fingers are not fat.

“Not useful. And what else?”

The third one is a set of cursed runes, that can turn a course of the future upside down. Like it is not scrambled enough right now… so, I guess you don’t even want to ask me about it.

“Can you just use all of them at once?”

Hmm, never thought of that…
I am not keen using any of those, because when used they proved to cause the cataclysmic alterations of the reality.

“You can’t know that. Future still didn’t happen, and if it happens, you will not know any other.”

For some unknown reason, what ever I try to do to make this planet a garden of Eden, at the end turns into the garden of garbage.

“I don’t think you should take the credit.”

I screwed up everything from the dawn of humanity.

“I don’t believe that.”

I have no idea to whom I am making a favor telling you all of this, definitely not to myself. Maybe I just feel a bit better.

“I don’t blame you for all of that.”

Well, thank you.

“I think that you need some help, before you destroy yourself.”

That went nicely…

“You said that you …landed, correct?”

Yes.

“Can you take off?”

Not under these conditions, no, that would be horrible.

“Why not?”

Well, I could, in case of emergency, but I would need all of you on board within a good reason, and the good news is that the domestic animals are no problem at all, but I would need my primal drive fixed so we can land on the other side within the speed parameters …

“So, what about the Arpitrax?”

We still have no idea what the Arpitrax is capable off, but we know one thing for a fact, it takes away all physical pain and suffering from whoever wears it. There are other things too …

“What have you done?”

Naive as I am, I thought that an Arpitrax is just that, so I decided to put it on a final test and I managed to alleviate the pain from a few humans. My daughter is a hybrid but she suffers almost an exact pains like me. The Arpitrax removed the pain instantly from her with no painkillers included, just like in my case. But her nature caused it to overheat and lose the function. No matter how I tried I had no way to cool it down.

” I am sorry for your daughter. I am sure there will be a way to help her soon.”

So… that gave me an idea to merge an Arpitrax with an ordinary human male in order to stabilize, which I did and it worked as a charm. Now I picked my own human husband with his permitting of course, and he fit the bill because of the pains he was suffering and there is no method known to remove his pains.

“Can you make this as brief as possible. I am getting a headache. “

As a miracle, all his pains withdrew immediately and he has none ever since, but as a side effect his own energy merged with an Arpitrax creating an electrical neon blue stream all over it and causing it to look like a mythological creature, the Illuyanka.

“What?”

Not only to look like, but to BE the Illuyanka.

“Now, great, you just created an evil dragon that wishes to rule the world. Thank you Miz Ancient Alien, you score the damnation card, once again.”

Well, not exactly. The first Illuyanka was an evil “dragon” ( overlord) who wished to rule the world, but just because that was an actual extraterrestrial inside of a previous Arpitrax and not a human being. Just that we clear all the misunderstanding.

“So how you didn’t prevent this the first time it happened?”

The fact is that I was not really on board that time but I was trading chipmunks to some celestial moguls who thought they are hilarious. Past tense.

” I think you are on a good trace with this story, but can you please stick to the facts?”

And by the way if you didn’t notice yet, it is always some storm/sky god who destroys all those dragons and power hungry monsters around here. I am not going to say that I am the one in an every tale, but in this case I was.

” I think you are reading some ancient past mythology, and it really influences your fantasies.”

Before I even could tell what it was I destroyed previous Illuyanka with the Arpitrax, and based on some data I collected afterwards this persona was about and around for a few centuries before they became malignant, which says that both the host and Arpitrax in the good balance could be immortal.

“So, you created a mythological dragon who is … immortal? Wouldn’t this be a bit of a problem when people notice that he is not aging, for example? “

That is only a speculation, you see I never examined the first one, and there is no way to tell if this one is the same. So the only thing I can do is to wait.

” Great plan…”

Also, Illuyanka became jealous of my man using his Arpitrax when he planned only me to use it so he somehow managed to “enchant” ( reprogram) the Arpitrax to show me his own person whenever another man wears it. In translation, whenever I take a look at my husband, I see that other guy. And he is ass fuck ugly.

“Hahaha!”

Also, a new date to doomsday is 30th of May this year, I might miscalculated it, in that case you have about 1000 year of the same shit you have right now. If not, a shit about to happen is right around the corner. Have a great Monday. Ciao!!!

“WAIT. What? Wtf, what that has to do with the Arpitrax, dragons and all this hat you just pour down on me?”

Aw,… That is an introduction, so in case that humans survive that you know what follows. I told you that all that crappery in Indian mythology is true, so… you know, The New World Order is basically that. Or whatever you call it nowadays.

“Whoah! Those are big words. How about some detail? What will happen?”

Well, not much of the detail really. A space anomaly.

“It happened before?”

Yeah, sure. A few times actually.

“What do you mean a few times? When?!”

Well, a few times that I remember… More or less.

“So, what we do? Don’t you need to inform other people? The authorities? The governments? NASA!?”

And…. that would be for… what exactly?

“The World End?”

Aw, yeah. Sure. Like they would believe me…

“They would if you show yourself!”

That is not exactly by the book.

“What book? We are on the brink of extermination and you just decided to pick up a rule book tutorial today. Where have you been with that idea for the last 50 000 years?”

Looking for the book…

“Ok, great. Senile alien, no wonder you F everything, so what can we do now?”

Now, if I manage to tune up my spaceship ( the big one) and to replicate at least one of its engines before due date even with a spec of its previous power I could annihilate the space anomaly and this whole circle of life will continue.

“Hold on! First, I am pretty sure you know nothing about engines, but somehow you have a solution? Where? In your head? In here? If there is a real threat don’t I… don’t we have any call on this?”

Not really.

“Wait a second, if that is real and you are not playing with my mind just because then we can help each other!”

Yes, I heard that before.

“I never said that…”

Well, not from you…

“Yes, I know, but you have to have some faith…”

I invented that…

“Aw dear…”

I might mention that for some reason I stuck here for a very long time, so something major had to stop me from leaving.

“Intergalactic war that of course is not in the history?”

No, not that. Well, the only thing that can lift me from this rock ( yes I am super heavy) and get me to safety is my primal drive but every now and then I had to sacrifice my engines to anull that space anomaly.

” To lift you up…?”

Yes.

“That primal drive is really something special?”

Aw yes it is.

“Sure, it is magic.”

Well, if you say so.

“My opinion matters?”

Ok…

“You know that we do have some technology to lift stuff into an orbit and…”

That is not really on scale.

“We could try.”

I assure you, the attempt would be an epic fail…

“Ok, so what is your plan then…”

So, I was given an option either to cram one of my engines into the space anomaly or to flee to the close by neighborhood which is by the way uninhabitable so I would eventually go insane and kill myself. What would you do?

“Aw dear, here we go again… So, you can go in space now?”

Can and may is not the same thing…

“So, you do have a tech to deal with that? How big is that anomaly?”

Well, yes and no. Not that big.

“Wait, wait, wait! Where exactly is your spaceship?”

Antarctica.

“You saw that on Youtube?”

Just to make it obvious, this is my last ace, so after I cram this one into it, there will be no more hand outs from me, you humans will have to make your own problem-solving space-anomaly annihilator and I really hope till then you will not obliterate your civilization once again …

“You have a huge motherfucking spaceship on Antarctica!!??”

… because I am really sick and tired trying to install the traces of intelligence into the apes and similar. If there would be apes left that is… Plus it takes shit load of time and mountains of bananas and patience.

“Can you point at it on the Google Earth?”

Yes. I also said this warning sentence about the apes before… unfortunately too many times. It never worked.

“Yo, alien! Where exactly on Antarctica?”

Well… Human!! … Antarctica…

Cover Image Attribution

 

Stish Social Portal

FREE
VIEW