Hilarious outtake: what if God could reply?


This is a comical reply to one writer from another writing page whose funny post inspired me to write this. Questions are by the author and the answers are my imaginary constructs of God’s thoughts. Of course nothing of this is serious, but still… This God in my sketch is a universal creator, unrelated to any religion in particular, besides my own.

Questions/ Answers

Why am I always last in the queue when the goodies are being handed out?
– Because you are generous enough to put other people’s needs in front of your own.

Why am I always the last to know about the latest good thing?
– You were too busy doing the latest good thing…

Why can’t I ever be the lucky one who gets the big prize?
– Because you received the gazillion small ones, and it wouldn’t be fair…

Why am I always the one who gets the smallest donut in the canteen?
– Because the sugar is bad for the health and an angel decided to spare you a bit…

Why does the adjacent queue in the supermarket always go faster than the one I’m in?
– Because the devil is testing your patience …

Why are the special offers always finished by the time I get there?
– The expiration date was reached …

Why is the store always out of that special treat I had set my heart on?
– They have learned it causes cancer…

Why does it always rain on me when I don’t have a coat?
– I experiment if your hair will grow back again.

Why do I get all the dirty jobs at work?
– You work with the lazy people…

Why is it always my car which gets dumped on by the seagulls?
– Because animals feel at home with you… I didn’t know it disturbs you, my bad, I will reprogram them to ‘love’ another soul. Is your mother in law good choice?

Why does it always rain just after I have washed my car?
– I’m jealous…

Why can’t I seem to catch a break?
– You will…

Why is it always me who gets dumped on by the big, bad world?
– Hmm, I am trying to fix that for the millenniums, unfortunately … people have the free will.

Love, joy and perpetual happiness to all good people. Thank you for visiting my blog

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