At the recent Paris war memorial, Wikileaks secretly recorded Donald Trump telling Vladimir Putin, “When Amazon owns everything, I’ll ‘nationalize’ it.”
Aghast, Putin responded: “That’s communism! When you ‘nationalize’ something, that means the government owns it, and we ended that in Russia.”
Trump: “You made a terrible mistake. Instead of giving away to Yeltsin’s friends all the Soviet-owned industries, he should have kept them, and run them himself. He would have been the most powerful CEO in the world!”
“But you’ve denounced communism. How can you now embrace it?” Putin wondered.
“It’s not communism when I do it. It’s ‘nationalism.’ I’ve spent the past year preaching ‘nationalism,’ and the hicks love it. I’ve equated it with patriotism. They love that, too! So now, when I confiscate Amazon, half the country will think it’s as American as apple pie! After Amazon, I’ll ‘nationalize’ Google, Microsoft, Apple… the list is staggering. I’ll be the planet’s top CEO, and it’s all done with an executive order, under my war powers!”
Putin shook his head and walked away, muttering: “Maybe I should ‘nationalize’ our industries, too.”